Planet Trump

 
Opinion

Planet Trump timing 

got me in a fix

Story || By Derrick Kubasu

 

My homie talked about anything and everything that night; From Melania’s dress to Michele’s weight, to Baron’s insanity and Kidero’s 200 million shillings saga.

---

---

I

 woke up on Saturday the 21^st feeling empty and out-rightly fazed. The reason—I had a chance to listen to the groundbreaking and innocuous speech of the likely revolutionary business president but due to unlikely neighbors, I didn’t.

I am a proud Luhya son and I honestly joyfully spasm when I see that great region concur. Like when a super Alliance attracts leaders from there and keeps them in one basket. Or when its iconic band is repeatedly crowned the country’s finest or better yet, when many more sons and daughters join lucrative institutions of higher studies and get social while at it.

But yesterday, during Trump’s inauguration, I had my worst social encounter, yet. First, the inauguration timing couldn’t be any worse. Lecturers are on strike and employers are firing more than they are hiring, the economy is at its absolute worst (at least how a layman sees it) and the number of half-baked graduands just doubled. Right now, we are trapped within universities’ premises with an on-again off-again WI-Fi and an unpredictable library’s working hours.

After two hours of closing time uncertainty at the library, I decided to leave at 5:05 pm to join my two other friends at the institution’s only TV room that doubles as the dining hall. They had grabbed dinner at the time. I grabbed it as well and sat on an empty chair behind one of them. A Bomet-hailing chap joined us and sat on my left shortly after. On my right was a white-topped hall table, then a chatterbox homie I will choose to call Wafula on the other end.

---

I might love social homies but I had to single out this one because he cost me a historic listening—the only skill I execute exemplary well.

---

5:15pm

I settle down and listen to Wafula who is intellectually regretting the unlikely win of the president elect and how great leaders like Obama are being kicked out of power so soon. It coincides with footage on CNN showing the other presidential aspirant, Hillary Clinton arriving at Capitol Hill; the inauguration centre. We are drawn in, not just me, to his unrelenting and enthusiastic chapter two speech.

5:20 pm

Trump and Melania arrive at the white house to meet Obama and Michelle. Well, Wafula notices all the gift exchange, incumbent first lady’s blue dress and gloves and Michelle’s weight. All those details being broken down to us like we are in some kindergarten. He possibly couldn’t seem to understand that Melania’s gloves were her style choice and that Obama, decided to take his wife's’ gift inside himself out of choice. He in fact started swearing, in a heavy Bukusu accent, how he couldn’t do any of what the most powerful man was doing. Like we cared.

He kept counting the number that the staff opened the white house door through which the two presidents had passed. That’s besides counting the times the two officers in front of that door executed a command; especially salutes when dignitaries appeared. We were all sited silently listening to his ramblings.

He then started talking about Kidero and the rumored 200 million shillings bribe and how he wished he was the one in the position receiving it. He thinks the current government has failed terribly and that he would have done better singlehandedly. He hates “dictator”Magufuli and his supposedly development record. He wished he was a Trump son and thought Baron Trump, President-elects son, is insane. And the wishes kept going with no any discernible sense of direction.

7:00pm

Trump speech is about to start, Wafula is so charged about Raila not being invited and no one really cares. In a moment, I lean forward and my friend whispers to me wondering why my homie can’t shut the f**k up. My heart is in my throat by this point and I have already missed Trump’s camera antics.

The lights are turned off and we are in the dark juggling between a Dominant and disruptive Bukusu accent and an American one from the TV. Hearing very less of the desirable American one. I am regretting that I missed historic quotes and that as much as I love liberals, I hated this one decidedly.